Have a laugh on me boys

[Ropemunky]

I was doing my usual rounds on the farm this evening "thinning out the rabbits" as per my instructions from the farmer. Having a real good time of it to boot, you know those days where your on top form I mean I just could not miss tonight. 12 shots 12 rabbits.

 

Anyway it was starting to get too dark to see what I was doing and I did not fancy lamping so I decided to call it a night and went back to my van.

Hmmmm can't seem to find my keys.

Rummage rummage rummage. Oh fiddle sticks (or somthing like that)

"I know I'll ring the missus and get her to bring my spares."

Oh no I won't, because my phone is where boys and girls?

That's right, locked in the pi$$ing van!!

 

Right Monkey Boy looks like your going to have to retrace your steps,

Que the Benny hill theme tune as a frantically search round in the fading light every where I have been, every gate I have climbed over, every time I have lay down and crawled on my belly to stalk a bunny.

 

........ Nothing

 

Fiddle sticks

Fiddle sticks

Fiddle sticks

Fiddle sticks

Fiddle sticks

(Or somthing like that)

 

At this point I'm starting to panic a bit.

 

"Right stuff it I'm going to break a window get my phone and call the missus and get her to bring my keys"

 

I find a rock about the size of a tennis ball.

"Right I've seen them do this in the movies it will be a peice of ****"

 

WHACK!!

Nothing happens

 

WHACK WHACK WHACK!!!

What the hell!!

 

Takes three steps back and launches the rock like a baseball at the window.

TWAAAANG (rock bounces off window narrowly missing my head)

 

************************k !!!

 

Did I buy a bullet proof Citroen berlingo?

 

Right no messing this time, I went and found a full house brick and sent it sailing through the window with ease this time. Put my hand inside the door and unlock the van.

I grab my phone and call the missus.

 

Ring ring ring ring

The missus: hello

Ropemunky: hi I really need your help

The missus: oh my god you haven't shot your self have you?!!!

RM: no nothing like that calm down, I just need you to bring my spare van keys to the farm.

TM: why?

RM: I seem to have Miss placed mine and had to break in the van and get my phone, by the way did you know how hard it is to break a van window? It's nothing like the movies at all!

TM: you're an idiot!

RM: I know dear. :(

TM: ok what farm are you on?

RM :hang on I'm just putting my gun in the back of the...........never mind I have just found my keys.

TM: you locked them I'm the back didn't you?

RM: yeah :(

TM: you're an idiot!

RM: I know dear. :(

Ropemunky puts the phone down, and shakes his head and all of a sudden cant help but start to laugh to himself.

 

So as I sit here with a well deserves beer picking splinters of glass out of my *** I ask you fellow pigeon watchers do you have any tales of stupidity to make me feel a little better or at least let me know I'm not the only one.

Edited May 27, 2013 by Ropemunky

[Oli]

Nah nothing as bad as this, youre in a class of your own mate

[Lord Geordie]

Your not alone!

 

I did this with my Cavalier at the clay ground a few year back. I went into the club house to borrow.some tools to get myself into the car, then some twonk chirps up! Can I shoot your window out? I have always wanted to do that!

 

I used a screwdriver and hammer and burst the boot lock. Cost all of £3 to replace it as I went to the scrappy.

 

Think yoir window will be a bit more than £3 though

[Malik]

Did I buy a bullet proof Citroen berlingo? :lol:

 

They arent as easy to break as you'd think are they. Once a friend had a similar misfortune. I had one of those emergency hammers in the glove box.., you know the ones that are meant to shatter the glass with ease in an emergency... Anyway. We gave it a tap. Me and my mate looked at each other. I gave it to my mate... Said you do it, your car. He gave it a massive whack. Still nothing. Passed it back to me. I stood with my back to the car and gave it 3 massive strikes to the passenger window before the damn thing gave in!

 

 

Safe to say... It was straight down to the Albanian car wash for just an inside job. They did a good job hoovering all the glass up :lol:

[39TDS]

Fella told me this tale.

He and his father had been out at work together.

They both went home together in the Transit van, father jumps out and slams the door.

Says "Oh b*********ks" I've locked the ****** keys in!"

Walks round to the passenger side, opens the door, picks up hammer off the floor of the van, walks back round to the drivers side, smashes the window and opens the door to get the keys out.

His son just stood completely gobsmacked.

[smokinggun]

I did similar when I was 17, I pulled into a local garden centre to see my mate who worked there, as I thought I was cool back then I had the music pumping out bloody loud, I pulled up and spotted my mate so jumped out and without thinking pushed in the handle and slammed the door, it was locked with engine running and music still blaring out, I borrowed my mates car to drive home and get the spares but he said there was people giving it a few funny looks while I was gone, I never felt so stupid.

[the pigeon man]

That's brilliant !!! Ha

[Sha Bu Le]

getting some new tyres a while back 2 guys pulled up to a parked car tried all the doors and the boot, all locked, One went to the car they arrived in and got a 2 pound ball pien hammer with a long shaft. Took 4 whacks before the window gave in and he was a big guy.

 

So how do car thieves seem to do it so easily???

[NickS]

A fellow teacher locked their keys in their car. One of our Year 11 oiks popped out the after-market cheapo sunroof in about 30 seconds. A small kid was then dropped though to open the doors. Sometimes it pays to know about their extracurricular skills.

 

Nick

[AVB]

My wife locked the children in the car when they were very little on a very hot day by mistake. Ended up with the fire brigade turning up who stoved the window in.

[Mungler]

I did that once too - kids in the car strapped in their car seats and car running.

 

Fortunately I only half closed the door and got in with a coat hanger just like on the telly. I was pleased as punch.

 

Poxy anti hijack on the alarm

[welsh1]

 

So how do car thieves seem to do it so easily???

By applying a large amount of pressure in a very small area,a spring loaded centre punch is very effective,used one outside my workshop when in the army,two lads had battered the side window to get into their car with a piece of wood to get in ( keys locked in car) one pop of centre punch and window gone.

The same affect can be obtained by throwing some grit hard at the window,some of the sharp pieces will shatter it.

 

Imagine a woman in stilletos( steady) if she stands on your foot it's going to hurt more than a normal shoe,that's because all the weight is in a very small area,same principal to smash a car window..

[beeredup]

yeah done silly stuff myself got up super early one morning to go shooting got guns out of cabinet and had kept keys close by to me alongside the bed once i had got guns didnt want to disturb the mrs putting them back in their usualy position so i put them in a bag, came home 22 hours later and i had convinced myself i had put them in my shooting bag and now they were no longer there!! frantic nights worrying as i have no spares! next day expensive visit from a lock smith who picks locks and makes new keys for the locks all within a few hours great service. job done decided i must of lost them some where in a field. at the end of my leave i go to pack my laptop in my work back pack an low an behold theres my keys next to my passport!!! D'oh!!!! that will teach me to alter my routine for returning my keys to their safe place of keeping i also now have 2 spare sets of keys bother VERY securely stored

[TIGHTCHOKE]

getting some new tyres a while back 2 guys pulled up to a parked car tried all the doors and the boot, all locked, One went to the car they arrived in and got a 2 pound ball pien hammer with a long shaft. Took 4 whacks before the window gave in and he was a big guy.

 

So how do car thieves seem to do it so easily???

 

 

Auto centre punch!

[ayano3]

This has not happened to me but:

 

Had a friend meet us down the marsh for the evening flight and for once he was on time. The guy, well lets say he is prone to the odd mistake etc now and again. Anyway he arrives and we have a chat as he gets his gear on etc. He has had the same coat for many years and unknown to us (Phil & I) he had devloped holes in his pockets. Ok , you have guessed alrerady! Yes he had put his Series 2A Land Rover keys in one of the pockets with holes in.

 

We realised they were missing after a few miles trek along the sea wall and over the marsh so the chance of finding them we slim to say the least. We did a bit of a search around the car park but with no luck. We suggested that we could get in the LR with ease and do a quick wiring modification to get him up and away, but he declined the offer in preference of the RAC call out. We stayed a while but eventually left him to it.

 

 

(The rest of the story is as the guy told be the following day at work)

Finally the RAC arrived about 11:00pm. They said 'oh easy job'. They did exactly as we would have done, so off he went with the instruction on how to stop the LR once he arrived home. He got home safe only to realise his house key was also on the keyring !!!! It was now a phone call to his daughter, who is the only one who has a spare house key. Unfortunately she lived in the opposite end of the county, 60 mile journey to bring the key. I think she stayed the night and travelled home early the 60+ miles home.

 

 

 

Phil and I had a similar thing happen too, Phils turn to drive, so he picks up the car keys, we shoot off to Sheps and get the gear and dogs out. Phil clamps on the Stop-Lok steering wheel lock, always best to be safe as you never knew who was about!

One problem, when we returned to the car he realised he had picked up the Mrs's car keys WITHOUT a key for the steering wheel lock. He thought he could drive with it in situ, believe me its fun trying but we got all of 200yards in 30 minutes. So it was a call to my wife to get to phils and pick up his keys. I cant remember the exact words his wife used ...............................

 

 

 

[deny essex]

My first 4x4 shooting car was a little lada many moons ago, out of the car chatting to club members one day my springer inside the car decided to push the lock button down, keys in the ignition and the middle of no where, a bit of banging and swearing at the pooch but also laughing at the bemused look on my dogs face I managed to get a quarter light open to the cheers of my buddies.

[la bala]

auto centre punch in the corner of a side window

[Twistedsanity]

My friend used to have anger related road rage issues , as if it wasn't bad enough breaking his fist the first time trying to punch his way through someone's car window the next year he did exactly the same again ! Needless to say he is now cured of his problems but suffers with horrendous arthritic pain as a reinder of how dumb he used to be , it's never the same in the movies is it

[yates]

A friend, who after a couple of beers climbed into bed and started to become amourous with his wife. Unfortunately he had drunkedly forgotten that he had swapped bedrooms and the person at the centre of his advances was not his wife but his mother.

[delburt0]

A couple of yrs ago me and my lad went pigeon shooting over stubble, set up then moved the car away from the hide and got my gun and back to the hide , after 6 hrs or so decided to pack up,

on approaching the terrano from the rear of it I went in my pockets for the keys an couldn't find them , my son was packing up so I walked back over and told him to walk 5yds away from me up and down where we had been shooting throughout the day it hadn't been bailed so we were turning the straw over on our hands and knees.

after 30 mins I started to get worried but carried on after around 2 hrs I admitted defeat and feeling stupid I rang the wife for the spares, after I put the phone down I told my lad we would take everything over to the truck then walk upto the road about 1 mile to save the wife coming down the fields,

I told my son to get the dogs water dish from the rear of the car to see if he wanted a drink, he couldn't find the dish so he went around the side of the car and came back with the dish...

 

And yes of course the keys which had been in the drivers door all the day..

 

Don't know if there is a moral here but if anyone has one ,, answers on a postcard please...

Edited May 28, 2013 by delburt0

[Troosers Too]

Ah, my classic with car keys came about years ago when I had a company car. I'd arrived back at the office car park with a pile of documents. In a huge rush, I leapt out of the car grabbing keys & and an armful of paperwork and shot into the office where I dumped it all on my desk. Busting for a pxss, I ran back out to the car to lock it. Back then, you could lock the door without the keys by pulling the door handle and pushing down the lock button at the same time and then closing the door. As I say, my bladder was telling me to get a move on so I did the keyless door lock routine at 100mph.

Slamming the door shut I suddenly experienced a bolt of pain in my other hand's thumb, which I had managed to trap in the, by now, locked door. Now I'm stuck. My bladder and my thumb are having a competition to see which of them can cause me the most pain as I realise that bladder, thumb and I are going to have to wait until someon came to rescue me; no mobile phones in those days. At long last one of the other lads form the company arrived and I managed, in a hoarse whisper, to tell him to go to my desk and get my keys RIGHT NOW! Needless to say, the whole office then arrived to take the mick before the door was eventually opened and my bladder dragged me off to the toilet.

 

I can still remember the pain and humiliation of standing there, legs crossed, trying to look casual about it all. My thumb has never really forgiven my bladder for causing the whole drama in the first place.

 

Cheers

TT

[Ropemunky]

Ah, my classic with car keys came about years ago when I had a company car. I'd arrived back at the office car park with a pile of documents. In a huge rush, I leapt out of the car grabbing keys & and an armful of paperwork and shot into the office where I dumped it all on my desk. Busting for a pxss, I ran back out to the car to lock it. Back then, you could lock the door without the keys by pulling the door handle and pushing down the lock button at the same time and then closing the door. As I say, my bladder was telling me to get a move on so I did the keyless door lock routine at 100mph.

Slamming the door shut I suddenly experienced a bolt of pain in my other hand's thumb, which I had managed to trap in the, by now, locked door. Now I'm stuck. My bladder and my thumb are having a competition to see which of them can cause me the most pain as I realise that bladder, thumb and I are going to have to wait until someon came to rescue me; no mobile phones in those days. At long last one of the other lads form the company arrived and I managed, in a hoarse whisper, to tell him to go to my desk and get my keys RIGHT NOW! Needless to say, the whole office then arrived to take the mick before the door was eventually opened and my bladder dragged me off to the toilet.

 

I can still remember the pain and humiliation of standing there, legs crossed, trying to look casual about it all. My thumb has never really forgiven my bladder for causing the whole drama in the first place.

 

Cheers

TT

Ladies and gentlemen we have a winner!!

[ack-ack]

Poxy anti hijack on the alarm

 

 

What? On a B reg yugo?

[rimfire4969]

A friend, who after a couple of beers climbed into bed and started to become amourous with his wife. Unfortunately he had drunkedly forgotten that he had swapped bedrooms and the person at the centre of his advances was not his wife but his mother.

[njc110381]

Ah, my classic with car keys came about years ago when I had a company car. I'd arrived back at the office car park with a pile of documents. In a huge rush, I leapt out of the car grabbing keys & and an armful of paperwork and shot into the office where I dumped it all on my desk. Busting for a pxss, I ran back out to the car to lock it. Back then, you could lock the door without the keys by pulling the door handle and pushing down the lock button at the same time and then closing the door. As I say, my bladder was telling me to get a move on so I did the keyless door lock routine at 100mph.

Slamming the door shut I suddenly experienced a bolt of pain in my other hand's thumb, which I had managed to trap in the, by now, locked door. Now I'm stuck. My bladder and my thumb are having a competition to see which of them can cause me the most pain as I realise that bladder, thumb and I are going to have to wait until someon came to rescue me; no mobile phones in those days. At long last one of the other lads form the company arrived and I managed, in a hoarse whisper, to tell him to go to my desk and get my keys RIGHT NOW! Needless to say, the whole office then arrived to take the mick before the door was eventually opened and my bladder dragged me off to the toilet.

 

I can still remember the pain and humiliation of standing there, legs crossed, trying to look casual about it all. My thumb has never really forgiven my bladder for causing the whole drama in the first place.

 

Cheers

TT

I think I'd have done a bit of urinating in a public place having sorted my fly with the other hand!

 

My worst moment was many years ago when my boss locked himself out of his pickup in the middle of nowhere. Same thing - push down the button and slam the door with the keys still in the ignition. The hardest part for me was talking myself out of getting the sack for removing the radio aerial, bending it a bit and hooking the door open then straightening the aerial and popping it back where it came from in a matter of seconds. "And how did you learn how to do that boy?"... "Ummm"

Edited May 28, 2013 by njc110381