steve_b_wales Posted November 22, 2020 Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 The bedroom ceiling in my 202 year old mid terrace house is not 'exactly' horizontal. My street isn't either, so while fitting new curtain rails, to make them look 'okay' I followed the angle of the ceiling. My wife said, 'I don't envy people living on a steep hill'. I asked her why, and she replied, 'Well, their ceilings must be terrible'! I nearly fell off the ladder. A few weeks ago, her wedding ring finger was swelling and she put it down to her wedding ring being tight. She went into the local jewellers shop and said, 'My ring needs stretching'! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougy Posted November 22, 2020 Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 7 minutes ago, steve_b_wales said: The bedroom ceiling in my 202 year old mid terrace house is not 'exactly' horizontal. My street isn't either, so while fitting new curtain rails, to make them look 'okay' I followed the angle of the ceiling. My wife said, 'I don't envy people living on a steep hill'. I asked her why, and she replied, 'Well, their ceilings must be terrible'! I nearly fell off the ladder. A few weeks ago, her wedding ring finger was swelling and she put it down to her wedding ring being tight. She went into the local jewellers shop and said, 'My ring needs stretching'! Cant help but wonder what the jeweller was thinking.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackbird Posted November 22, 2020 Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 😂😂😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TIGHTCHOKE Posted November 22, 2020 Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 She keeps giving doesn't she! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loriusgarrulus Posted November 22, 2020 Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 Never a dull moment. 🤣🤣🤣 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
London Best Posted November 22, 2020 Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 42 minutes ago, TIGHTCHOKE said: She keeps giving doesn't she! Wouldn’t want one too clever or she might turn out cleverer than you are! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve_b_wales Posted November 22, 2020 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 Believe it or not (and I've questioned it MANY times) she is highly intelligent! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
London Best Posted November 22, 2020 Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 1 minute ago, steve_b_wales said: Believe it or not (and I've questioned it MANY times) she is highly intelligent! Yeah, I think it’s the female genes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TIGHTCHOKE Posted November 22, 2020 Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 1 minute ago, steve_b_wales said: Believe it or not (and I've questioned it MANY times) she is highly intelligent! Steve, you need to accept that there is a switch, she knows where it is and you DON'T! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve_b_wales Posted November 22, 2020 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 7 minutes ago, TIGHTCHOKE said: Steve, you need to accept that there is a switch, she knows where it is and you DON'T! I'd settle for a mute button! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WalkedUp Posted November 22, 2020 Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 If you find one let me know. My wife now waits until I’m in bed about to fall asleep to start asking me questions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mel b3 Posted November 22, 2020 Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 1 hour ago, steve_b_wales said: The bedroom ceiling in my 202 year old mid terrace house is not 'exactly' horizontal. My street isn't either, so while fitting new curtain rails, to make them look 'okay' I followed the angle of the ceiling. My wife said, 'I don't envy people living on a steep hill'. I asked her why, and she replied, 'Well, their ceilings must be terrible'! I nearly fell off the ladder. A few weeks ago, her wedding ring finger was swelling and she put it down to her wedding ring being tight. She went into the local jewellers shop and said, 'My ring needs stretching'! I bet the jeweller stood there smiling politely, while the wee was gently dribbling down his leg 😅😅😅 13 minutes ago, steve_b_wales said: I'd settle for a mute button! When Lins jabbering gets a bit too much , I pick up the imaginary remote control to turn the volume down . It works every time , she just does "the face" and doesn't speak to me for a couple of hours 😅. (Top tip . Only use the imaginary remote control , after , she's cooked your tea 😊). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve_b_wales Posted November 22, 2020 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 18 minutes ago, WalkedUp said: If you find one let me know. My wife now waits until I’m in bed about to fall asleep to start asking me questions. Snap. Mine does exactly the same! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
London Best Posted November 22, 2020 Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 1 hour ago, steve_b_wales said: I'd settle for a mute button! I found the go button. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie to this Posted November 22, 2020 Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 1 hour ago, mel b3 said: When Lins jabbering gets a bit too much , I pick up the imaginary remote control to turn the volume down . It works every time , she just does "the face" and doesn't speak to me for a couple of hours 😅. (Top tip . Only use the imaginary remote control , after , she's cooked your tea 😊). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aldivalloch Posted November 22, 2020 Report Share Posted November 22, 2020 Way back in the early seventies it was all the fashion for girls to cut shapes out of felt (butterflies, little birds, cute bunnies, etc.) And stitch then onto their tops. Motifs, I think they were called. Anyway, my younger sister was keen to get "with it" so she slipped out of school one break-time, nipped into the local drapery, and said to the man behind the counter, "Excuse me, but can I get felt here?" "Sure", said he, laughing, "just come round here behind the counter and I'll do my best!" Exit schoolgirl, horribly embarrassed. Very much a tale of its time - sad to say he'd probably end up on the sex offenders register nowadays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figgy Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 Doing that remote thing with my wife would be akin to lighting the blue touch paper. Stand back at a safe distance and watch her explode 😂 spewing expletives like a trooper. I find saying Christ do you ever shut up, will give one of two reactions, one like the above the other perfect silence for a day or so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
London Best Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 When I was young I remember my Grandad regularly saying to Grandma, “shut thee bl***y cackle, woman, tha’s like a ruddy old hen.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
team tractor Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 My soon to ex wife was to busy yelling at me 99% of the time . I used to go the chippy. I gained 3st 🤣🤣🤣. Any advice on keeping a wife please 🤣🤣🤣 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddoakley Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 On 22/11/2020 at 19:50, aldivalloch said: Way back in the early seventies it was all the fashion for girls to cut shapes out of felt (butterflies, little birds, cute bunnies, etc.) And stitch then onto their tops. Motifs, I think they were called. Anyway, my younger sister was keen to get "with it" so she slipped out of school one break-time, nipped into the local drapery, and said to the man behind the counter, "Excuse me, but can I get felt here?" "Sure", said he, laughing, "just come round here behind the counter and I'll do my best!" Exit schoolgirl, horribly embarrassed. Very much a tale of its time - sad to say he'd probably end up on the sex offenders register nowadays. Reminds me of my college carpentry lecturer. A female apprentice approached and explained that she needed more 2x1 to which he famously responded "come round the back and I'll give you a length". Much hilarity ensued and it's remembered by many long past said lecturer slipping off his mortal coil. Edd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mel b3 Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 1 hour ago, figgy said: Doing that remote thing with my wife would be akin to lighting the blue touch paper. Stand back at a safe distance and watch her explode 😂 spewing expletives like a trooper. I find saying Christ do you ever shut up, will give one of two reactions, one like the above the other perfect silence for a day or so. You just haven't got her fully trained yet , once she realises that her angry explosion will only get a gentle smile from you ,she'll stop doing it 😊. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figgy Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 Ha ha that would send her off the deep end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Heron Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 When I was doing some work on the outside of the house I hung a plumb Bob from under the eave down to the ground my wife came outside stood back looked at it and said " well that's never straight". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benthejockey Posted November 23, 2020 Report Share Posted November 23, 2020 My wife tonight whilst discussing a little run of fencing she wants me to do. She was asking how id get the wire tight - bear in mind although far from a brilliant fencer i can do a tidy job and have put up 100s of metres of fencing in various shapes and sizes over the years - I replied with I'll use my wire tightener darling 🙄 whats one of those 🙈 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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