TaxiDriver Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 After 26 years, I had a message on Facebook asking if I know/knew a woman named xxxx xxxxxxxx I did/do, it's my first wife's name. It's clearly her son who's asking, and chances are......my son too. Now, we were a whole lot younger back then it was pretty acrimonious split and wasn't helped by a lot of family interference. I was never allowed to see my son after the one and only time which was a day after he was born, she effectively moved between family members, kept changing solicitors, and after a few years of stress I gave up and haven't seen or heard sight nor sound of them in 26 years. Now, Suddenly, thanks to the blight that is Facebook, I get a message that has left me reeling, sick to the pit of my stomach. I can't see Nicky Cambell or Davina McCall popping up on this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zapp Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Ouch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scully Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Wow. Can't imagine what that must be like but I wish you well. A bit of an emotional roller coaster ahead to say the least; hope it all turns out ok for you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
team tractor Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 That's brilliant news to me. I've seen it with a mate of my dad's and it ended brilliant for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islandgun Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 wow that is exciting, you (and your family) have got some serious catching up ahead, I wish you all the best of luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kyska Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Grasp this, he's your son. Wonderful opportunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenboy Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Why would it make you sick the prospect of the son you could not see contacting you , I would have thought you would be over the moon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flynny Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 (edited) Good luck mate, Face ache and social media , the scourge of the modern world, Atb Flynny Edited June 14, 2015 by flynny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keg Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Flippin eck Neil, bolt from the blue! I can see why you must be reeling but try and get some positives out of it mate. Fingers crossed for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JDog Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 You have turned something that could be very positive into something very negative. Don't you want to find out if you have a son? I know I would in your situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TIGHTCHOKE Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Perhaps he is trying to contact you about a funeral! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TaxiDriver Posted June 14, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Some of you are right - no doubt, others I think have little experience and therefore a little understanding. It could be and/or maybe should be a wonderful opportunity (in an idealistic world) but out of the blue after 26 and a bit years of being denied and having to move on and put it behind me for my health and sanity, It's a real bolt out of the blue and I can't help but feel trepidation. I suppose I feel (maybe wrongly) that "if only this had happened years earlier". Some 22 - 23 years ago I was told that my ex wife had remarried and that her new partner had adopted my son, and it was I suppose at this point I finally gave up and prayed that he'd have everything I'd wish for him and better for him not to rock the boat. Thanks for your thoughts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malkiserow Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 We don't know what was said to TD. It may not have been nice. The lad probably had a less than helpful story told to him as a kid and he is full of angst and venting at TD. Some good communications are needed and for the lad to here TD's side of what happened. I hope it works out for you both TD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
team tractor Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 I was denied access for 10 weeks when my ex left and it made me really ill . I couldn't work or sleep . I'm lucky court awarded me access ( 12 days a month ) but I would always of wanted them even 40 years later. Think of it as a positive and if you find it doesn't work it's back to how you were. You might find he's the best thing that ever happened Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TaxiDriver Posted June 14, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 We don't know what was said to TD. It may not have been nice. The lad probably had a less than helpful story told to him as a kid and he is full of angst and venting at TD. Some good communications are needed and for the lad to here TD's side of what happened. I hope it works out for you both TD Thanks for that, You will no doubt be absolutely correct, his mother and his grandmother will have had 26 years to sully my name, I guess, having got to a place where I've dealt with it, (as best I could) just a part of me doesn't want it all dragging up after 26years Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harrycatcat1 Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Thanks for that, You will no doubt be absolutely correct, his mother and his grandmother will have had 26 years to sully my name, I guess, having got to a place where I've dealt with it, (as best I could) just a part of me doesn't want it all dragging up after 26years Good luck with whatever you choose to do, I have no advice to offer I doubt that you will sleep well tonight thinking of what to do. Regards Hcc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenboy Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 (edited) I would have thought if the lad had been poisoned against you all these past years the very last thing he would want to do is look you up , hopefully he is level headed enough to realise there are two sides to every story and he wants to meet you to make up his own mind. I can understand your concerns but I think once you have met him you will be feeling much happier than you are now about it. Edited June 14, 2015 by fenboy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kdubya Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Thanks for that, You will no doubt be absolutely correct, his mother and his grandmother will have had 26 years to sully my name, I guess, having got to a place where I've dealt with it, (as best I could) just a part of me doesn't want it all dragging up after 26years Been there done it got the T shirt, I posted back in nov/dec 2013 about my proposed meet coincidentally after 26 years!! with my second daughter to my 1st wife,(she was 8 when I had last seen her) I was worried that if the meet went bad it would destroy my memories and the vision I had of her, well lets just say we met and we each figured out who we where and both told "our side" BUT after 26 years I met a stranger, a well heeled business woman who could truly buy and sell me, and a woman who had a very mercenary outlook on life, we maintain some contact and she has met my family, but the bond was not there, am I glad I met her again as an adult rather than simply have a memory? YES, did I get out of it what I had hoped for? NO. KW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bakerboy Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Neil look and take the positives, this is a great opportunity to get to know your son. I believe he would not have contacted you if it was for mischief, maybe you need to exchange words either by letter or e mail before you meet up, keep it between the two of you, this is and will be a very personal time. Good luck mate all of PW are behind you and wishing you bot a positive outcome. Terry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colin lad Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 hope everything works out good for you colin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AULD YIN Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 Good luck with whatever you choose to do, I have no advice to offer I doubt that you will sleep well tonight thinking of what to do. Regards Hcc +1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sha Bu Le Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 Neil after a similar experience with family members involving an adopted baby several family deaths and an out of the blue letter. (The story is too complicated to relate here). I was able to re-establish contact with my sister (the baby's birth mother) who I had not seen for some 35 years. I was also able to meet my niece (the adopted baby) with whom I still maintain contact. It was not a fairy tale ending for the baby (now an adult) however. It does showed how complicated life and human relationships can be, if the purpose of the face ache request is to establish contact with someone you believe to be your son then go for it, it may not turn out well. On the other hand you may be nicely surprised. You will never know unless you try, oh and stop talking to us hairy whotsit numptys about it. Talk to your wife she will have a better slant on it then any of us. Really hope it works out well for you ATB Bri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aled Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 I can't offer advice TD, but I can wish you well. Good luck. Cheers Aled Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CharlieT Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 Forgetting what passed under the bridge 26 years ago, your son, who is now an adult, has obviously thought hard and long about you. He obviously has a deep down, strong desire to contact you. It would, I guess, have been a big decision on his part and I think it only fair to him that you make contact. After all said and done,he's your child and you owe him that. You have little to lose and much to gain, make contact and take it one step at a time. If you don't, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Don't let past feelings and the thought of having your life turned upside down allow you to make the wrong decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobbyathome Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 niel all I can say to you is whatever happened between yourself and the ex mrs it is not your sons fault he is just an innocent victim of a break up after 26 years he has tried to contact you whatever your circumstances now grab it and go with the flow I hope it turns out good for you and you manage to get another twist and turn of life I do understand your worry and dragging up the past is hurtfull but just be honest with him he will be full of untruths and no doubt your ex would have coated you many times to him but let him take you as you are now and its up to him to adjust and adapt if he wants you in his life best of luck rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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