mattyg1086 Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 My wife and I have been together since we were teenagers but the last few years I guess we have been slowly changing. She smoked weed at the weekend with her friends and I am disgusted with her for it I never thought shed do that and I liked the fact she hadn't and was inoccent of these sort of things. I've been on the sofa since and wondering wether to leave or stay I cannot stand women who smoke it's so unattractive. Am I being stupid? Should I stay? I'll always love her but this has turned me right off her now oh and just to make it more complicated we have two children together Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velocette Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Yes,,you are being stupid,,,, or you are looking leave and have picked this as a very poor excuse ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winnie&bezza Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 My wife and I have been together since we were teenagers but the last few years I guess we have been slowly changing. She smoked weed at the weekend with her friends and I am disgusted with her for it I never thought shed do that and I liked the fact she hadn't and was inoccent of these sort of things. I've been on the sofa since and wondering wether to leave or stay I cannot stand women who smoke it's so unattractive. Am I being stupid? Should I stay? I'll always love her but this has turned me right off her now oh and just to make it more complicated we have two children together Blimey, a post and a half. What was her reason for doing it and her attitude towards how you feel? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zapp Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Are you disgusted because she took drugs or are you disgusted because she did something she knew you wouldn't like? If its the latter and you make a point of telling her what you expect from her she might be trying to tell you to back off and let her make her own choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tallshort Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 My wife and I have been together since we were teenagers but the last few years I guess we have been slowly changing. She smoked weed at the weekend with her friends and I am disgusted with her for it I never thought shed do that and I liked the fact she hadn't and was inoccent of these sort of things. I've been on the sofa since and wondering wether to leave or stay I cannot stand women who smoke it's so unattractive. Am I being stupid? Should I stay? I'll always love her but this has turned me right off her now oh and just to make it more complicated we have two children together My wife smokes, I dont we get on fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyefor Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Should she not do things that you don't like? She's an individual, not a mirror image of you? Do you ride a motorbike, kill live animals / birds with guns - maybe she hates them all. Do the maths. If she scores 5/10 and above - stay. If not, part as friends and get on with your life. Just remember, she might start doing the maths also? Eyefor (43 years married). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duckandswing Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Is that your only worry? She had a toke? Or was it who she was with? Where she was? Time she got home? Etc etc I don't disagree that it's not the best thing to be doing, especially with kids in the mix. Talk to her. If you can't discuss this like adults then you have deeper issues as a couple. If you're on the sofa and she hasn't asked you to come to bed, then again there are deeper issues. To throw a marriage down the pan over a smoke is daft. Doesn't matter what your moral compass is, hers may be different and she may have her own reasons. We can't like everything our partners do, not sure that utopia exists in any relationship. Talk, talk some more, then talk again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rewulf Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 There are far worse things than having a bit of weed, get over the 'drug' thing ,it will be legal in this country very soon. Do you drink ? Go out with the lads ? 2 kids ,and youre thinking about leaving them because she had a spliff ? Get over it, quicktime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JDog Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Another 'blimey' from me too. On a serious note, there will be nothing that PW members will be able to help you with unfortunately. On a lighter note, and you seem to need lifting in spirits, put up a picture of her and we will have a vote on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panoma1 Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 You can't live her life for her.........and she can't live your life for you.....just tell her how (and why?) you feel as you do about it......if she carries on doing it, your choice is, either accept it.......or bin her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12gauge82 Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 If your basing your decision solely on the fact she smoked weed then your being ridiculous, I hate drugs to, but that would mean having a chat and asking her what's going on if it were me, it sounds to me your already not happy about something with your relationship, if your thinking of leaving her for doing drugs once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medic1281 Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Tell her to bake it next time, same effect without the smell of smoke or sore throat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rewulf Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Tell her to bake it next time, same effect without the smell of smoke or sore throat! Naughty ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ips Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 My wife and I have been together since we were teenagers but the last few years I guess we have been slowly changing. This is the fact of the matter not that she smoked a spliff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butchdickason Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 As said before, smoking weed as a reason to move out is pathetic, tip of an iceberg I reckon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glenshooter Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 I suspect you're actually joking ........ and that there's a follow up coming! I certainly hope so.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave-G Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 (edited) Grow up and deal with it or ship out but don't use that feeble excuse to justify it because it simply doesn't. If she's had to walk on eggshells to avoid offending you in more tangible ways she might welcome the idea. Edited August 22, 2017 by Dave-G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mel b3 Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 it sounds very much like youre just fed up with the relationship , and youre looking for an excuse to leave(welcome to married life), shes probably just as fed up with you . marriage isnt great all of the time , sometimes you just need to get your head down and slog on until things are right again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dougall Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 blimey I find debates between plastic/Fibre and 20 g v 12g tricky but marriage advice on a shooting forum........yikes......good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattyg1086 Posted August 22, 2017 Author Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Well sorry but I don't feel like I've got anywhere to turn to and this seemed like as good a place as any as it's kind of impartial and we don't really know each other do we. I think it's time we went to marriage councelling. The problem is I never though she would even consider smoking weed untill her friends started on about it what if they suggest she try something else next. The stupid image I had of her as a sweet and innocent wife has gone now and that was something that I really liked about her among many other things. And I just saddens me. I have tried to provide a good life for them all but we don't do hardly any of the things that we used to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winnie&bezza Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Lock, stock and two smoking spliffs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchman Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 (edited) something is amiss.............whats said is said....and difficult to undo... edit........ had a think about this....and auntie ditch say's.. "its been 40 years since i had a joint....so it is not catching......why dont you sit down with the mrs and share a nice fat joint together ?....you well get really mellow....slag each other off and laugh till you both cry.....then get really hungry and have a mega BBQ" that will do a darn sight more good and sense , rather that an hour at the marrige guidence office............. this is said in all seriousness and not jest... Edited August 22, 2017 by ditchman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ips Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 From my experience it is never one specific thing that is the cause of marital problems but very often a specific thing is the final straw. I hope you sort things out, if indeed that is what you want ?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zapp Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Maybe youve completely misunderstood her and have been projecting your idealised expectations on her and she has had enough, this being her way of kicking back. It sounds like you're resentful of her friends and fearful that they have more influence than you do. The biggest risk I can see is that the more you freak out on the basis of the person you wanted her to be the faster she will disappear over the horizon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glenshooter Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Well sorry but I don't feel like I've got anywhere to turn to and this seemed like as good a place as any as it's kind of impartial and we don't really know each other do we. I think it's time we went to marriage councelling. The problem is I never though she would even consider smoking weed untill her friends started on about it what if they suggest she try something else next. The stupid image I had of her as a sweet and innocent wife has gone now and that was something that I really liked about her among many other things. And I just saddens me. I have tried to provide a good life for them all but we don't do hardly any of the things that we used to. OK, fair enough. It's probably just a 'small thing' to our minds being a symptom of other more serious/deeper things. Get professional help eg marriage guidance pronto. Don't let this get any further as the longer it goes on - ie you feeling like this - the more difficult it will be to solve. A marriage like you've had ie with kids, is precious so do all you can to save it. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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