Quote do the week

[winnie&bezza]

We decided to take little one to port lympne wildlife park today and they have the dinosaur forest experience. They have life size models of the dinosaurs in the forest with a board next to them with their names and info on them. Whilst walking we behind a young girl in her 20s pushing a pushchair with her mum and dad. She stopped at a board and tried to read the name of one and as she walked off she said ' how do they know what they were called' hahahaha. Got me that one.

Edited August 7, 2017 by winnie&bezza

[TaxiDriver]

I recently had to flee a local shop in tears when Mrs TD asked the assistant for Durex batteries ?

[Davyo]

Sent my son to the shop for 3 apples an orange and 2 scrotum plums.Hes still banned and he's 18 now.

[panoma1]

Wife goes into the Clark's shop and asks if they have a particular style of Brasher shoe!!.....wasn't too pleased when I laughingly compared it with going into ASDA and asking for a tin of Aldi own brand beans! Lol!

[GingerCat]

I was at port Lympne a few years back and we were looking at some monkeys. In front of us was a large bald chap with his skinny rude son and his rather fat wife. We had come across them a few times that day and they were to out it politey annoying at best.

The monkeys were called things like cranium,tibia and other major human bones.

The fat bald chap said "you can tell their from Africa with those names".

My wife and I barley made it 10 yards before the tears were streaming.

[Paddy Galore!]

I shouldn't but I have to tell,

while watching some basking sharks on the telly the missus said " it's a wonder they don't drown, swimming around with their mouths open like that, do they hold their breath or something?"

 

[Davyo]

When wife was learning to drive,she approached a Mini roundabout.Instructor asked her "what sort of roundabout they where approaching"?Her answer was "a round one".

[islandgun]

In a curry house in Chelmsford the young lady i was with asked for a couple of condoms to go with her korma

[Walker570]

Logical for a woman

[GingerCat]

In a curry house in Chelmsford the young lady i was with asked for a couple of condoms to go with her korma

You were in that night.

[islandgun]

You were in that night.

 

 

Erm well yes, but as a starter or to crumble over my vindaloo not really, even the waiter lost his normal calm

[kernel gadaffi]

I was in a pub with my ex and she decided to have an omlette for her dinner, the waitress asked, "what kind", the ex said, "egg"!

 

 

I'll never ever be forgiven for collapsing with caniptions of laughter and telling the lads in the pub. Do I care?

[fern01]

I remember walking into Farmway and asking for 3 bags of Dr Whites Gold, the young lady behind the counter smiled and said, that will be Dr Johns Gold I think.

 

I have no idea what made me say that.

[steve_b_wales]

I was a manager for a DIY company. A lady came into the shop and asked me if we sold 'dildo rail' How I kept a straight face, I don't know.

[Eyefor]

When wife was learning to drive,she approached a Mini roundabout.Instructor asked her "what sort of roundabout they where approaching"?Her answer was "a round one".

 

 

Logical for a woman

 

When teaching my the then GF (now wife) to drive i said "Turn right at the next roundabout".

 

She did. Anticlockwise - against the oncoming traffic.

 

My fault (apparently). "Unclear instructions"?

[Old Boggy]

At a county show many years ago, my wife, a devout townie and recent DFL, was in awe at the bee keeping demonstration in the bee tent and announced for all to hear -:

 

" Isn`t nature wonderful how the queen bee grows that big white spot on her back"

 

I disappeared back into the crowd of people who had difficulty containing their laughter.

 

OB

[kyska]

 

 

 

When teaching my the then GF (now wife) to drive i said "Turn right at the next roundabout".

 

She did. Anticlockwise - against the oncoming traffic.

 

My fault (apparently). "Unclear instructions"?

My sister ran a cyclist over during her test, proper over the bonnet running over.

[sportsbob]

Well provided she executed the emergency stop correctly then at least that parts over and done with 😀

[scutt]

my son when little used to ask for pigging union crisps and often would want a fork an knife.

[Old farrier]

It's not only girls

 

Shooting day out took a lad with us over 18 🤗

 

Anyway good day so we stopped for a nice meal at a upmarket restaurant

 

Lad orders a steak

 

Waitress asked how would you like it cooked sir

 

His reply

 

Like my mum does it

 

 

You just can't make it up

 

 

All the best

Of

[Mice!]

Yes to the above, out for mates wife's birthday and she comes out with some crackers but her brother says in a fancy Italian I just want round pasta like my mum does with tomato sauce, entire table in stitches.

[Pigeon Shredder.]

Making lunch one day and asked the wife what she wanted, hmm salmon rolls please she says.

When presented to her she started eating and announced "this smells of fish", nearly choked on my own lunch with tears in my eyes.

She looked at me like l had lost the plot.

Then again the other night sat talking about gun crime locally with my son when she pipes up ," l could report you to the police for having a gun".

My son looked at her and shook his head and stated " what the same ones who gave him his licences".

Don't you just love em!

[ph5172]

during the usual over the fence chit chat the old boy nextdoor asked the girlfriend if she liked beetroot as he had grown loads this year..... yeh that would be brilliant she replied, i can make it into a crumble and pop some over.

Turned out she thought he meant rhubarb!

 

In a canteen the other week the young YTS chef was manning the hotplate one of the lads asked if the pasta bake was tuna....... nah mate its fish

[catchthepigeonmutley]

Went in to Boots years ago for aspirins and a single use disposable camera and ended up asking for a pack of disposable aspirin and a dissolvable camera.