Salop Matt Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 Folks, I know am not the first and wont be the last. But any advice on this would be much appreciated. I am not at fault here before anyone asks. Am sure there will be other members on here who have been down down this path before me. Any advice on dealing with it and moving forwards would be greatly received. ATB Matt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TIGHTCHOKE Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 Been there, done that. Do try to remain amicable. Consider lodging your weapons if it looks like getting nasty. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eaf70 Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 (edited) Get yourself a good solicitor !! Believe me it's money well spent if there's children and houses involved. As said, try to keep it amicable and it will run smoother but it's not a pleasant experience. Edited April 28, 2021 by Eaf70 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchman Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 dont waste your money on divorce councilling...................what is said is said and can never be unsaid........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clangerman Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 depends who’s at fault I left the rubbish with a bag of clothes and a tv took the kids house everything cleaned her right out cheats deserve nothing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discobob Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 If you don't absolutely need to do not leave the house. Consider signing your guns over to a mate - it only takes one malicious statement and you are in a world of hell as far as your continued ownership goes Get a good solicitor as has been said. But do try to minimize your costs. Remember that they bill in 6 minute chunks - perhaps buy a stopwatch for when you talk to them so you know when to stop as if they role over into another 6 minute chunk it is the full 6 minutes and these could work out @£30+ per chunk. This can include their secretaries answering the phone to you. Also remember that a solicitor is making money while the case carries on. Keep a diary of your interactions. Solicitors also charge for each letter they deal with - in or out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old'un Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 A few years back a mate went through the mill with his wife after he found out she was cheating on him, he decided from the off to split everything down the middle but she was having none of it, she felt that because she had sacrificed her career to bring up the kids she should have 25% more, it ended up going through solicitors and the courts, after a 3 year bitter battle my mate agreed to 10%, the only real winners were the solicitors as my mate told me the final bill for both of them run well into double figures £k. As been said, if its possible to keep it amicable so much the better but what happened in my mates case was her friends got involved and hedged her on to go for more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mickeydredd Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 Try to get the legal side resolved as quickly as possible as divorce cases can drag on and this simply creates a big bill for both parties. Similarly, don't waste solicitor time arguing over petty things as this all adds great cost for little, if any, gain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discobob Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 3 minutes ago, old'un said: As been said, if its possible to keep it amicable so much the better but what happened in my mates case was her friends got involved and hedged her on to go for more. This is happening to a mate of mine, and funny enough two women walked past our house the other week discussing how a third should take her husband to the cleaners!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scully Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 As has been said, try to keep it amicable for the sake of the kids ( if there are any ) if no one else, because if it turns nasty she will use them as leverage when she comes after your company pension ( again if there is one ) and everything else her solicitor informs her she is entitled to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordon R Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 (edited) My youngest went through a messy divorce, with his ex wanting all of the house etc. As we paid the deposit (£23k) and spent a lot on the house, I was less than impressed. My son said he didn't have any money to buy her out (I seem to remember her wanting £20k), so she suggested we paid. She said "Your parents have the money". She rather stupidly drew a line in the sand. She engaged a Solicitor, who sent many letters, many questions and had a rather arrogant style. I drafted all my son's replies, answering most of the questions, but always leaving questions unanswered. I also added lots of questions on my son's behalf. I was aware that every letter cost her money - I said I would bankrupt her before she got the house. She moved out - we gave her £5k to be rid. She complained that she had spent that much on her Solicitor, which gave me some satisfaction. There are rarely clear winners, but usually two losers. If you are not confident dealing with Solicitors, engage a decent one yourself. Edited April 28, 2021 by Gordon R Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oowee Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 1 hour ago, TIGHTCHOKE said: Do try to remain amicable. Good luck. 31 minutes ago, Scully said: As has been said, try to keep it amicable for the sake of the kids ( if there are any ) if no one else, because if it turns nasty she will use them as leverage when she comes after your company pension ( again if there is one ) and everything else her solicitor informs her she is entitled to. ^^^^^^ this, this and again this. Been there a few times Hard as it may be bite your tounge, go for the easier option it will save you grief and probably cash in the long run. Do get the finance bagged and settled legally or it will come back and haunt you but (if possible) try to get the bones ironed out and agreed between you first. Settle finance as much as possible now rather than in the future (loss of future pension, cash from house sale down the line). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medic1281 Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 Get the best solicitor you can afford, keep a diary of everything, keep it amicable but trust nothing she says. Be selfish and look after yourself. Try to predict and counter every argument she may throw your way. Don’t get drawn into fights. And, good luck!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lloyd90 Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 1 hour ago, clangerman said: depends who’s at fault I left the rubbish with a bag of clothes and a tv took the kids house everything cleaned her right out cheats deserve nothing How does cheating determine who gets to keep the house etc? I thought that would be irrelevant when determining who gets what 🤷♂️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flyboy1950 Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 Lots of good advice already given so wont go over that ground again. Make sure you get a lady solicitor, she will be very cognisant of the **** your other half will level at you as hearsay. Pal and myself had to do this and she protected our interests big time. Good luck. FB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yates Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 17 minutes ago, Medic1281 said: Get the best solicitor you can afford, keep a diary of everything, keep it amicable but trust nothing she says. Be selfish and look after yourself. Try to predict and counter every argument she may throw your way. Don’t get drawn into fights. And, good luck!! 100% follow this advice. I learned the hard way. If I understand from your post she is the one who wants out, if so look after your self Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loriusgarrulus Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 The advice I was given in the early stages of my divorce by a recently divorced mate. While things are still resonably amicable if they are, try and agree who gets what and get it down in writing and witnessed if possible. Fortunatley for us we managed to stay amicable over the course of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clangerman Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 23 minutes ago, Lloyd90 said: How does cheating determine who gets to keep the house etc? I thought that would be irrelevant when determining who gets what 🤷♂️ sorry open forum have to use your imagination Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salop Matt Posted April 28, 2021 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 Thanks folks. I had to move out of the house because of the mind game of being there. I pay my half of the mortgage and cut the grass to demonstrate I haven't abandoned anything. She is dragging her feet because she can't afford much on her own salary and its easier for her to stay put while am also not there. We don't have children, am 37 she's 38. I have a pension of 18 years and she doesn't have any pension, 14 years together, 13 years living together and 7 married. She said she wants to remain amicable and is happy for me to buy her out. But I suspect this might change while I try to coax her along to get things sorted, we split / I left mid January so she's had time to start addressing things. I don't want to split up but she's clear she has a new lifestyle / life and we can't continue in life together. I am currently back at my parents and its not fair on me or them. The wife knows she has no future in the house she doesn't wantbit and can't afford it but for financial reasons isn't in a rush to leave and its unreasonable for her to expect me to sit and wait for it to suit her. If anything the sooner we agree things and get her bought out the sooner she has cash to invest in her future how ever she wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scully Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 1 hour ago, Lloyd90 said: How does cheating determine who gets to keep the house etc? I thought that would be irrelevant when determining who gets what 🤷♂️ You’re correct, it is totally irrelevant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Heron Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 (edited) There is a 99. 9% chance that it won't be amicable dig in now and get prepared try to be one step ahead. Edited April 28, 2021 by The Heron Missed out word Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walker570 Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 58years and still considering it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saddler Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 4 minutes ago, Walker570 said: 58years and still considering it. Only two years to the telegram from QEII, unless she's gone the journey & it's Charles III (?) Hope it gets sorted out ok OP. Always remember what the separated couples say in Norfolk; we may be divorced now, but we'll always be brother and sister... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smokersmith Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 If you get down then talk to someone. Many I know have said the settlement was the best money they've ever spent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougy Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 LOL been through one years ago, wish i had kept all the papers, i laugh about it now and very glad i can. I have seen plenty of those that cant handle the stress of the entire process spread under a train. At the time its PANTS but it will get better. Mine was quite entertaining, one of the pubs i drank in was doing the usual sad people gossip rubbish, ive done this that and the other. What i was supposed to have done was quite comical. But anyway put them all right one Sunday lunch, kind of got on the stage and told a pub full what had actually happened, the silence was amazing. 😄 You dont have leprosy its only in your head, you may also feel paranoid, dont worry its normal. 😄 But any way i digress. Everyone tells you to keep it amicable, yes right best of luck with that, it can be done but extremely rare. Expect a rocky road ahead, if it turns out all OK and no fighting then count your lucky stars. Stay positive for yourself, and try not to ponder too much on the could have done's or should have done's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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